I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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