We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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