I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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