I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
