Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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