I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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