im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
