I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
