well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
