First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize