Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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