i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize