well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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