Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
