Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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