you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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