I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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