He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
