In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
