Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
