Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
oh god the rape fog is back!
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
