I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
