If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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