like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
