woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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