All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
