can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
