he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
