i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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