watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
