Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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