Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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