My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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