My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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