The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
