Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
