Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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