We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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