In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My vagina is officially offended.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
