no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
