You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
