We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
