I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
