Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
