If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
