I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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