I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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