He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize