He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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