chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He has the fingertips of a God
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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