Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
