quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
