Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
