my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he was CRYING into my vagina
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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