Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
