I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize