there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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