im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize