Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I want her autograph on my taint
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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