I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
