But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
