YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
