So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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