if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
