Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
