I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
