You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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