Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
