Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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