It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
