I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
