DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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