one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he thought i was a dude.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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