So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
