we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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