i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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