Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
