I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
