i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
