something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
