Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
