Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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